PS 3537 



fl47 B8 ^ ^lays Exchanged. 

^^ "^ 



1922 
Copy 1 



KER'S EDITION 
> OF PLAYS ^ 




The Butlers 



Price, 25 Cents 




WALTER H. BAKER COMPANY 

BOSTON 



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\ 



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X 



The Butlers 

A Play in Two Acts 



By 

FRANCES A. F. SALTONSTALL 

Author of **A Dangerous Experifnent," 
and other plays 



NOTE 

The f v-ifessional stage rights in this play are strictly reserved 
and application for tlie right to produce it should be made to the 
author in care of the publishers. Amateurs may produce it with- 
out payment of royalty on condition that the name of the author 
appears on all programmes and advertising issued in connection 
with such performances. 




BOSTON 

WALTER H. BAKER COMPANY 

1922 






The Butlers 



CHARACTERS 

(/;/ order of appearance) 

Mrs. Hiram Baxter, the ^notherly wife of Hiram haxter, 

Eliza, Mrs. Baxter s elderly "hired girl.'' 

Mr. Hiram Baxter, a storekeeper at Appleby, N. H. 

Sally Baxter, the pretty daughter ; in love with Arthur. 

Sammy Baxter ) ^ .^^^ 

Mary Anne Baxter [ 

Lord Arthur Butler, an unaffected Englishman, young and 

handsome. In love with Sally. 
Boggs, the elderly English butler to take care of Lord Arthur. 
Jennie Baxter, Sally's sister ; friend of Lord Arthur. 

Scene. — Appleby, New Hampshire. 
Time. — The winter of 1919. 




Copyright, 1922, by Frances A. F. Saltonstall 
As author and proprietor 

All rights reserved. 
©OLD 008 4 

m 1 5 !922 



The Butlers 



AGT I 

SCENE. — Mrs. Baxter's sitting and dining room, Ap- 
pleby, New Hampshire. It is twelve o'clock, noon, and 
it is snowing outside. The room is furnished with 
simple comfort. Dining table at r. of stage, covered 
with red cloth, over which is a white one. There is a 
door into kitchen at back of stage, one into hall at l. 
of stage. Windozv at R. side of back of stage, another 
on L. side of stage. A yellow oak dresser stands 
against wall at back of stage. Sheet' iron stove at r. 
near door into hall. There are the usual things, such 
as lamps and pictures, on a shelf on wall over dresser. 
A row of geraniums stands on the window shelf. Oil 
cloth on shelf or mantel over dresser. Mirror on wall 
beside zmndozv at R. of stage. One rocking-chair to- 
ward front of stage Jtear stove. Lozv rocker by work 
table near zvindow at r. of back. Chairs around the 
table, and others against the wall. 

(Mrs. Baxter is seated beside her work table by the 
window when the curtain goes up.) 

Mrs. Baxter {humming softly to herself as she holds 
up a black taffeta dress she is working on). What are 
we having for dinner, Eliza? 

(Continues her humming. Her cheerftdness is par- 
ticidarly aggravating, to the busy serving woman. ) 

Eliza (busying herself around the table, and speaking 
in a nasal voice with great irritation). Corn beef and cab- 

3 



4 THE BUTLERS 

bage, same as we've always had every Wednesday for the 
last twenty-five years. 

{Proceeds to slam the castor on the table.) 

Mrs. Baxter {much amused by Eliza's mood). Why, 
of course I might have known, but you see I forgot it 
was Wednesday. 

{Rises from her chair and stands smoothing her dress.) 

Eliza {reaching for a glass dish of apples which 
stands on the dresser). You're gettin' dredful forget- 
ful as you grow older, Miss Baxter. 

Mrs. Baxter {smiling pleasantly). I reckon I am, 
Eliza, but what does it matter so long as I have you to 
remember for me? 

Eliza {pushing the chairs up to the dining table ener- 
getically). Mebbe I won't always be here to remember 
things for you; I ain't so young as I onct was. {Looks 
about the room.) Mr. Baxter ain't come in yit, has he, 
nor the children neither? {Looks up at clock.) and it's 
long past tvv'elve o'clock, — Sally's late too. 

{Stoops to pick up some of Mrs. Baxter's things 
zvhich have fallen to the floor.) 

Mrs. Baxter {refusing to be depressed by Eliza's 
pessimistic manner). They'll be here presently, Eliza, 
don't worry. {Walks over to the zvindow.) Why, it's 
snowing. 

Eliza {with increasing irritation'). It's bin snowin' 
this two hour and more. Guess likely you was too busy 
with your dressmakin' to notice the weather. {Stands 
hack and looks at the table with approval.) It's real 
provokin', that no one's ever on time to meals in this 
house. 

Mrs. Baxter {straining her neck to look down the 
street). There he is now, turning the corner by Miss 
Simpkins' house. {Waves her handkerchief to him.) 
He'll be here in a minute now ; you can put dinner right 
on the table, so we won't have to wait for it. 



THE BUTLERS 5 

(Walks toward the door to meet Mr. Baxter.) 

Eliza {standing with her hands on her hips and watch- 
ing Mrs. Baxter's pleasure in anticipation of her hus- 
band's arrival). No danger of dinner not bein' ready. 

{Goes from the room, slamming the door behind her.) 

Mrs. Baxter {opening the door for Mr. Baxter, zuho 
comes in covered ztith snow. He walks over to the sheet 
iron stove, and shakes his coat on the piece of zinc under 
it. Mrs: Baxter kisses him as if they had not met in 
years, hovering around him as he takes off his wet gar- 
ments, hanging them around the stove to dry). Well, 
Hiram, here you are ; it's kinda wet out, isn't it ? 

{Buzzes around him like a bee around honey.) 

Mr. Baxter {he is tall and thin, and his voice high 
pitched. He stands near the stove zvarming his long 
thin hands). It's snowing something dredful out. 'Peers 
like we was goin' to have sleighin' — sorry to be late for 
dinner {Kisses her, patting her shoidder tenderly.) 

Mrs. Baxter {looking at Eliza, who comes in at the 
moment, then straightens Mr. Baxter's necktie). That 
don't matter, Hiram ; I'm so glad to see you, seems good 
to have some one cheerful in the house — {Looks toward 
the direction in which Eliza has disappeared again.) 
Eliza's in one of her sulks to-day; she gets more fretful 
every year. 

Mr. Baxter {removing his arctics and putting them 
under the stove, looks up at his zvife). Eliza, like most 
conscientious women, is a bit irritable now and then. 

Mrs. Baxter {brushing up some snow which is on the 
zinc). Sometimes I think I'd rather do all my own vvork 
than have that bad-tempered old woman do it for me. 

{Puts the snow in the stove.) 

Mr. Baxter {putting his hands on Mrs. Baxter's 
shoidders and looking down at her). That's what you've 
said for twenty years, Sophy Baxter, but you could no 
more live without Eliza than I could without you. 



6 THE BUTLERS 

(Kisses her.) Why, that woman is like one of our 
family, 

Mrs. Baxter (hanging up her dress in a closet). Not 
in disposition, I hope. (Turns back.) How's trade at 
the store, Hiram? 

Mr. Baxter (his back to the stove). Pretty good 
considerin'. (Suddenly puts his hand in his pocket, draws 
out a letter which he holds out to his wife,) Here's some- 
thing you'll be glad to get. 

Mrs. Baxter (clutches it eagerly). Why, it's from 

Jen (Turns to Mr. Baxter.) How long have you 

bin carryin' this in your pocket, Hiram? 

(Takes her glasses and walks over to the rocking-chair 
by the zuindow.) 

Mr. Baxter. Oh, not so very long. (Sees Mrs. Bax- 
ter is absorbed in the letter.) Guess I'll wash up a bit, 
and fetch some wood for the stove. 

(Goes out. Eliza enters. Mrs. Baxter is too ab- 
sorbed in her reading to notice the exit of one or the 
entrance of the other.) 

Eliza (looking first at Mrs. Baxter and then at the 
table). 'Peers like no one was in much of a hurry for 
their dinner — the food's gettin' all cold. 

Mrs. Baxter (rises and walks over to a seat near the 
stove). Leave the covers on, Eliza, Mr. BaxtePU be here 
in a minute ; he's washing his hands in the kitchen. 

(Turns to her letter again.) 

Eliza. So I seen when I stopped him from usin' the 
dish-pan 'sted of the wash dish. Mr. Baxter's gettin' to 
be dredful careless as he grows older. 

(Busies herself around the room.) 

Mr. Baxter (returning to the room, takes a brush 
from the shelf and brushes his hair before the little 
mirror). Looks like we were going to have a storm. 



THE BUTLERS 7 

{Points in Eliza's direction.) 

Mrs. Baxter (oblivious to his remark). Well, did 
you ever hear the beat of that ? 

(Drops letter in her lap.) 

Mr. Baxter (taking his seat at the table). What's 
that girl of ourn bin up to now ? 

Mrs. Baxter (eyeing Eliza). Oh, nothing much — 
only it kinda took my breath away for a minute. 

(Eliza goes out.) 

Mr. Baxter (taking covers off dishes). You've lost 
that breath of yours a considerable number of times sence 
Jen tuk to gettin' educated down at Radcliffe. 

Mrs. Baxter. Somehow Sally never thought up so 
many surprisin' things to do when she was there. 

(The door opens and Sally enters. She is fair, slight, 
and smiling from her walk in the snow. She tosses 
a spool of silk into her mother's lap and proceeds to 
remove her hat and coat, which she hangs in the 
closet near by.) 

Sally. There's your silk, Mother dear; I hope it 
matches ; sorry to be so late, but Mr. Wilcox came in to 
see you, and I had to have a word with him. He's com- 
ing back after he's had his dinner at the Eagle House. 

(Sally is standing before the mirror smoothing her 
hair as she talks.) 

Mrs. Baxter (watching her pretty daughter with 
pride). Jen's comin' home for my birthday; isn't that 
fine? 

Mr. Baxter (tucking his napkin under his chin). 
And Dandy! Is that what took your breath away, 
Sophy ? 

Mrs. Baxter. No indeed ! She's sendin' a man up 
here to board with us 

Sally (filled with interest). What kind of a man? 



8 THE BU'J LKRS 

Mrs. Baxter {referring to the letter). She calls him 
a Lord— (Sally and Mr. Baxter jump.) somethmg 

{Tries to make out what the letter says.) 

Mr. Baxter. Lordy Massy! 

Mrs. Baxter {coming to her seat at the table; her 
mind on her letter). No, not Massy, that wasn't the 
name. Dear me, Jen does write so badly. I can't make 
out what she wants to say. 

Sally {offering to take the letter). Let me see if I 
can make it out. 

Mrs. Baxter {testily). I guess likely I can read 
as well as you can — now I have it. {Reads from letter.) 
" Lord Arthur is a very charming man, one whom you all 
will take to. He is my room-mate's cousin, and she is 
quite worried about his health. His nerves are broken 
down as an effect of our late war, and he can neither 
eat nor sleep. Mildred thinks a rest in the country would 
do him a world of good, and has asked me if I thought 
you would take him to board until he finds some other 
place to stay in, in Appleby." {Drops letter in her lap.) 
What on earth would we do with a boarder? Can you 
picture an English Lord a-settin' in this room, Hiram? 

Mr. Baxter {helping himself generously to corned 
beef and cabbage, zvhich he cats heartily). Maybe he 
ain't so different from other white folks, and so long as he 
speaks the same language we do, I guess likely we can 
understand what he says, and if Jen ain't ashamed of her 
home, I don't know as we've any reason to be. 

Mrs. Baxter {taking up the letter again). Listen to 
this. {Reads.) Arthur is accustomed to having things 

done for him, so I'm sending up an English butler 

{Stops short.) What is a butler, Hiram? 

Mr. Baxter. I dunno ; read on, maybe she'll tell us. 

Sally {almost in her mother's lap, she is so excited). 
Yes, do, Mother. I'm crazy to know. 

Mrs. Baxter {reading on). "You know a butler is 
a man who does the table work, and presses clothes. I 
engaged this one at an employment office in Boston this 
morning. He seems to be a very nice respectable person, 



THE BUTLERS 9 

who says he understands his business perfectly, though 
he tells me he has been out of a job for some months." ^ 

Mr. Baxter. I guess he drinks, most likely, and can't 
keep one. 

Sally. Please let Mother read, and don't interrupt 
her, it is so interesting. 

Mrs. Baxter (reading). " I don't think he will make 
any trouble for Eliza; his recommendations say he is 
painstaking and willing to please. Don't hesitate to keep 
him busy ; he is especially handy about the table, and will 
have time to do many things besides caring for Arthur's 
clothes." (Drops letter.) There, that's the second time 
Jen's called that Lord by his Christian name. 

Mr. Baxter (helping Sally). Well, you wouldn't ex- 
pect her to be calling him Lord all the time ; it sounds so 
silly. 

Sally. Jennie probably knows him very well. 

(Sighs with envy.) 

Mrs. Baxter. That don't always follow, young folks 
are freer with each other these days — but let me finish 
what Jennie says in the letter. (Reads again.) "Be 
sure you keep the butler in his proper place. He is not 
accustomed to living in homes like ours, and he would 
not expect to be made one of the family." 

Sally. How is one to know what his place is? 

Mr. Baxter (offering Mrs. Baxter some meat). 
He'll tell us mos' likely; if I know anything about Eng- 
lishmen. 

Sally. Oh, do finish the letter. Mother ; it is the most 
exciting news that ever came into our house. 

Mrs. Baxter (having refused food). "I have told 
the butler to take the express train next Tuesday. It ar- 
rives ahead of the accommodation which Lord Arthur is 
taking, as it stops at Cambridge, where he is living at 
present. This is an excellent plan, as the man servant 
will then be on hand when Arthur arrives. If for any 
reason it is inconvenient for you to have them, wire at 
once. By the way, Lord Arthur objects to being called 
by his title; he says that since the war Englishmen are 



10 THE BUTLERS 

making names for themselves... And above all, do not 
ask him too many questions about himself. I hope you 
are having sleighing in Appleby, as Arthur is especially 
fond of sleighing/' (Mrs. Baxter folds the letter care- 
fully, taking it over to her little writing desk in the cor- 
ner of the combination sitting and dining room.) Well, I 
don't see but what she has everything arranged. 

Mr. Baxter {resting his knife and fork on end on the 
table, throws back his head and laughs). Pity Jen warn't 
a boy; she'd 'a' bin a great help to me in the store. 

Sally. Don't you suppose women can plan as well as 
men, Father? 

Mr. Baxter {chuckling) . I'd a right to, after living 
with your mother these twenty-six years. Jen ain't left 
much for us to do, has she ? 

Mrs. Baxter {neatly arranging her napkin). But to 
look after this poor broken down old soldier. 

Sally {much disappointed). What makes you think 
he's old, Mother? 

Mrs. Baxter. He must be to need so much done for 
him. I hope we can make him comfortable. What do 
you suppose the neighbors will say when they hear we've 
got a boarder? 

Sally. Who's to know he isn't a visitor — unless we 
tell them? 

Mrs. Baxter {helping herself to a small portion of 
meat and potato). I shall have to tell Elvire Simpkins; 
she's sure to suspect. 

Sally. Then you might just as well put it in the 
Appleby Record. 

Mrs. Baxter. At least I can say who he is. And 
when I tell P^lvire he's a Lord, I guess she'll open her 
eyes. 

Mr. Baxter. And that codfish mouth of hers I 
reckon 

{A sound of voices as the outside door opens, and two 
children bound into the room, followed by Eliza. 
One is Sammy, a child of twelve; the other Mary 
Anne, a girl of ten. The boy is alert, but she is 
slozver in every way, and has a delightful lisp. ) 



THE BUTLERS II 

Eliza. Sammy Baxter, your feet is soakin'; go and 
put your shoes to dry under the kitchen stove. 

(Children 7'emove their outside clothing zvith Eliza's 
assistance. ) 

Mrs. Baxter {szveetly). Children, why can't you re- 
member to wear arctics when it's snowing? 

Mary Anne (zvarming her hands). It warn't 
thnowin' when we went to school thith morning. Ma. 

Mrs. Baxter {courageously). I've a bit of news for 
you. 

Eliza (hovering over the children). I'll warrant it's 
bad. 

Sally. Quite to the contrary, it's very pleasant. 

Mrs. Baxter. Jennie is sending a friend of hers up 
here to board with vis for a while. A gentleman in poor 
health. 

Eliza (unsympathetically) . Hope he won't die on our 
hands. 

Sammy (alive to any nezvs). Is a fellar coming to 
live here — in this house? Who is he? 

Mr. Baxter (impressively) . He's English, Sammy. 

Sammy. I didn't suppose he was a Dago. 

Sally (zvith great importance). He's a Lord, Sammy. 

Eliza (forgetting to feign indifference). What in the 
world is that, I'd like to know? 

Mrs. Baxter (zvith forced dignity). Wait and see 
when he gets here, Eliza. 

Mary Anne (removing her shoes). What will he do 
all day? 

Mr. Baxter. Nothing, mos' likely. 

Mrs. Baxter. What troubles me is how we are going 
to amuse him. 

Sammy. Trust Sally to do that. I never saw the 
fellar she couldn't keep moving to take care of her. 

(Sally looks daggers at him.) 

Sally. Mind your own busine'^s, Sammy Baxter, and 
go and take off your shoes, as Eliza told you to — and 



12 THE BUTLERS 

you'd better wash your hands thoroughly at the same 
time. 

Eliza {taking each child by the hand). Come, Mary 
Anne Baxter, your face needs a good scrubbing, and Til 
slick up your hair too. My! but curly hair is always 
untidy. 

Sally (watches their exit). Seems to me Jennie took 
a good deal for granted when she planned to send an 
invalid up to stay with us. 

Mrs. Baxter (her serenity restored). I like to have 
her feel she can bring her friends with her, but somehow 
it's different sendin' us a perfect stranger all by himself. 

Mr. Baxter (tzvinkle in his eye). You seem to for- 
get the nurse she's sendin' with him. 

Mrs. Baxter. Oh, no, I don't. I think he'll be more 
trouble than looking after the Lord ourselves. This 
gettin' educated makes girls do dreadful queer things, 
Hiram. Why, at Jen's age 

Mr. Baxter. You were too busy takin' care of chil- 
dren to be interested in broken down Englishmen. (He 
rises and goes over to pat Mrs. Baxter on the shoidder. ) 
I think I like the old-fashioned women best, Sophy. 
Sally, your mother's been the best wife a man ever had. 

(Returns to his seat.) 

Sally. And I'm sure Mother thinks you are the best 
husband a woman ever had, and when I find a man as 
good as you are, I'll marry him, whether he asks me to 
or not. 

Sammy (returning zmfh dripping hair). You bet she 
will. 

Sally. Don't be so fresh, Sammy ; no one asked your 
opinion. 

Mary Anne (meekly taking her seat, her back to the 
audience, beside Sammy). Thammy needn't talk. Heth 
sthruck on Thusie Thimkins himself. I thaw him givin' 
her a strip of gum at retheth two dayth runnin'. 

Sammy (kicking her under the take). And what were 
you doin', I'd like to know? 

Sally (glad to get even mith Sammy). Sharing her 
apple with Freddie Walker most likely. 



THE BUTLERS I3 

Mary Anne (guiltily). How did you know I wath, 
Thally? (Starting to cry.) 

Sally (beginning to eat). Oh, I just guessed it. 

Mrs. Baxter (comforting the oppressed). Never 
mind, Mary Anne; Sally was only joking, dear. I won- 
der when Jennie's letter was written. (Goes to get letter 
and looks at date.) The eleventh. What is to-day? 

Mary Anne. Ith the theventeenth. I wrote it on my 
compothition this morning. 

Mrs. Baxter (looking at her husband, who is busily 
helping himself io pie). Hiram Baxter, 3^ou've bin car- 
ryin' this letter in your pocket most a week. 

Mr. Baxter (guiltily). Just about, Sophy. 

Mrs. Baxter. Goodness gracious sakes alive, this is 
the very day they were to come. (Looks up at the clock.) 
They'll be here any minute, leastwhiles one of 'em will, 
and I haven't even aired their rooms for 'em. 

Eliza (stopping the process of raising the knife she 
is eating with to her mouth). Is there two Lords 
a-comin' ? 

Mrs. Baxter (calmly and with an assurance she does 
not feel). Only one Lord, Eliza; the other is a butler. 

Sammy (his mouth full of food). Gee, what's that, 
Ma? 

Sally (zvith great superiority) . *'A man who does 
housework. He also brushes and presses the Lord's 
clothes." 

Eliza (looking over her glasses critically at Sally). 
Well, who ever heard the beat of that, to think of a man 
havin' his clothes brushed for him; he must be feeble. 

Mrs. Baxter. The butler is also going to help you, 
Eliza. Company makes more work, you know. 

Eliza. I just guess I does know, but I don't want no 
man interferin' with my business. If I'd 'a' needed help 
I'd 'a' married Abijah Hammet forty year ago. 

(Grunts to herself.) 

Mrs. Baxter (trying to soothe Eliza's feelings). We 
know how capable you are, Eliza, but Englishmen need a 
great deal done for them ; and this one must be quite old. 



14 THE BUTLERS 

He's tired and underfed, I expect. Think how he will 
enjoy your pies and doughnuts. 

Sally (sadly). I'm sorry he's so old. 

Eliza. I ain't; young folks is more restless. I pre- 
fers 'em middle aged. 

Sammy. Sally don't. Remember the rush she gave 
that fellar what came up here with Jen last Thanksgivin'. 

Mary Anne (deliberately). Thay "which" instead 
of "what came," Sammy. 

Sally. Much you know about grammar, Mary Anne 
Baxter; it's " who," not " which," or " what." 

(Sammy is delighted and proceeds to give Mary Anne 
another kick under the table. A bell is heard to ring 
energetically, causing every one to jump with sur- 
prise. ) 

Mrs. Baxter. There's the butler. 

All. What makes you think so ? 

Mrs. Baxter. Jennie said he was to get here before 
the Lord. Poor soul, he must have had to walk up from 
the station. You had a right to meet him yourself, 
Hiram, even if he is to be kept in his place. (Bell rings 
again. ) Run, Eliza, and let him in ; don't be too cordial. 
Remember, he does not expect to be treated like one of 
the family. (Eliza goes very deliberately.) 

Mr. Baxter (helping himself to a toothpick). I 
guess likely it will be hard to remember to keep him on 
his place. 

Mrs. Baxter (quite nervous). I wonder just where 
his place is. 

Mr. Baxter (with annoyance) . In England, where 
he come from. 

(Eliza returns, bringing a visiting card which she 
reads carefidly before handing to Mrs. Baxter, all 
eyes upon her. Sally growing more and more ex- 
cited.) 

Mrs. Baxter (looking at the card before reading what 
is on it to the others). " A. Butler." Well, if that isn't 
the queerest way to do; he's got his trade and not his 



THE BUTLERS I5 

name written on his visitin' card. Mebbe that's the way 
they do in England. I never was there myself. Hurry, 
Eliza, don't keep him waitin'. (Eliza goes out.) 

Mr. Baxter {tapping the table with his fingers nerv- 
ously). Well, I swon, — just as if we didn't know what 
he was. A butler indeed! Guess he thinks we're as 
green as grass. Well, maybe we be. (Laughs amiably.) 

Mrs. BAXTf:R. Now remember, children, no laughing, 
no matter what he does. 

(The door opens and in walks Eliza followed by 
Lord Arthur Butler, who is a well set up young 
Englishman of twenty-six, middle height, pleasant 
manners, sparkling eyes, keen sense of humor. He 
is quite at his ease though his arms are filled with 
things. Eliza holds the rest of his luggage, which 
consists of large valise, smaller dressing case, roll 
containing sleeping bag, hat box, umbrella, two 
canes, pair of skates, snozv shoes, and last, but by no 
means least, a dog. He drops everything and comes 
briskly forward to clasp Mrs. Baxter by the hand, 
and then turns to Mr. Baxter. All start to return 
his cordiality, when they remember he is not to be 
made much of. Mrs. Baxter takes his hand limply, 
hut he still goes on shaking.) 

Mr. Baxter {standing). I see you found the house 
all right. 

Lord A. {seizing Mr. Baxter's hand and shaking it 
violently). Without any effort on my part, thanks. A 
most awfully jolly chap drove me up in his sleigh. He 
keeps a livery stable, quite near the station. 

Mrs. Baxter {finding it difficult to keep her chair). 
Mr. Holden does meet some of the trains. We don't 
have much occasion to use him, but folks say his horses 
are real smart. 

Lord A. {removing his coat, etc., handing them me- 
chanically to Eliza as he does so). So I discovered when 
the one I had tipped us into a snowdrift not fifty yards 
from this house. But the snow was so soft I rather 
enjoyed being in it. 



l6 THE BUTLERS 

Mrs. Baxter. I'm glad to see you are not easily 
upset. 

Lord A. Oh, but I was. The sleigh turned completely 
over, and I rolled quite some distance from it. 

(General titter from the table.) 

Mrs. Baxter {much confused). I meant your dis- 
position was not easily ruffled. 

Lord A. {laughing heartily). Oh, I see; awfully good 
joke that. 

Mrs. Baxter {zmth dignity). Eliza will hang your 
things in the kitchen to dry. 

(Eliza stands as if wondering if she will do as she is 
told or not.) 

Lord A. {hands her muffler, gloves, everything in 
fact). Oh, I say it was awfully kind of you to let me 
come up here like this, really it was. So informal and 
jolly don't you know. {Looks about the room.) Rip- 
ping home you have here, Mrs. Baxter. {Turns to 
Sally.) This is Miss Sally, Fm sure. {Shakes her 
hand cordially.) And this is Sammy and Mary Anne. 
{Walks around and shakes them by their hands.) You 
see I recognize you all by your sister's description. 
(Eliza returns from the kitchen. Lord Arthur turns 
to her.) Miss Baxter told me Eliza and I would be 
great friends. {Starts to take chair at table.) 

Mrs. Baxter. You must be dreadful hungry, but 
maybe you'd like to wash up a bit before eatin' your 
dinner. Eliza will be glad to show you where the 
sink is. 

Lord A. {turns amiably). I would like to get a bit 
of this grime off my hands. The tram was so beastly 
dirty — but I won't be gone long. I'm as hungry as a 
bear, as you say in America. Of course you are more 
accustomed to bears in your country than we are in 
England. 

Mrs. Baxter. We don't have many bears in Appleby, 
but I'm told they are dreadful hungry beasts. {Turns to 
Eliza.) Eliza, you may take {To Lord Arthur.) 



THE BUTLERS I7 

What's your Christian name? We can't keep calHng 
you Butler all the time. 

Lord A. I should say not indeed. Call me Arthur. 
It will make me feel more at home. 

Mrs. Baxter. Eliza, take Arthur into the kitchen and 
show him where he can wash his hands. 

Eliza {with scorn). He'd better tie his dog first. I 
can't have him makin' tracks all over the house. 

[Exit Eliza. 

Lord A. {turning to the dog which has zvandcred over 
beside the children). Here, Snob, old boy, let me fasten 
you to the leg of this serving table. {Ties him to the 
dresser.) There, mind you do not make any trouble. 
{Holds up finger to Snob.) I won't be gone a minute, 
Mrs. Baxter. {To dog.) Quiet, Snob. Coming, Eliza. 

[Exits. 

(Both children rise and go over to pat the dog.) 

Sally {sighing and zuatching Lord Arthur's retreat- 
ing figure). Isn't he good looking? What a shame he is 
the butler, and not the Lord. 

Sammy {taking his scat again). Some class for a 
hired man ! Do you suppose he works in those clothes, 
Ma? 

Mrs. Baxter {busy setting another place at the table). 
I guess more than likely he's got his overalls in his dress 
suit case. 

Mr. Baxter. He looks smart and husky. 

Sally {sentimentally) . But not at all like a working 
man. 

Mrs. Baxter. Maybe his folks are in reduced cir- 
cumstances, and he hasn't always had to work. We must 
be careful not to hurt his feelings. I should think a 
man would hate to do housework. 

Sammy. Gee, I'd rather saw wood than wash dishes 
for my living. 

Mrs. Baxter. I hope Eliza won't be too hard on him. 
She could be, if she don't take a fancy to the young man. 

(Lord Arthur returns followed by Eliza, who 
watches him suspiciously.) 



1 8 THE BUTLERS 

Lord A. {taking the offered seat next Mrs. Baxter, 
with Sally on his other side). And now, Mrs. Baxter, 
remember I am not to be treated formally. You must 
make use of me ; there are lots of things I can do. 

Eliza {taking her seat on Sally's other side). Don't 
worry ; there's lots to be done in this house. 

Mr. Baxter. Trust Eliza to keep you busy. No one 
can be idle where she is. I hope you aren't fussy about 
your food — Arthur. {Helps him to some.) 

Lord A. This air must give one a jolly good appetite. 

Sammy {finishing his pie). You can bet your sweet 
life it does. 

Sally {shyly passing the plate Mr. Baxter has piled 
with food). I hope you like corn beef and cabbage— — 

Lord A. {taking it and giving Sally a look of admira- 
tion). Oh, I say. Miss Sally, that does look good 



{To Mrs. Baxter.) Please never make any difference 
in your food on my account, will you, Mrs. Baxter? 
Eliza. No, we won't ; you ken be very sure of that. 

(Turns to her own plate.) 

Sammy. Can I let your dog loose ? He ain't struck on 
being tied. 

Mrs. Baxter {seeing Eliza's disapproval). I think, 
Sammy, the dog had better stay as he is till he gets more 
used to us all. 

Eliza. Dogs should be kept in the wood-shed. 

Lord A. Here, Eliza, just take him out there, would 
you, like a good girl ; mind you fasten his leash loosely ; 
he likes to roam a bit. And oh, I say, Eliza, will you 
give the poor beggar a bite to eat, if you don't mind. 
The poor brute must be as hungry as I am. I didn't 
have time to feed him before leaving town. 

Eliza {with increasing impatience). I'll feed him 
when I get round to it. {Starts to go.) 

Lord A. Thanks most awfully, and mind you only 
give him one meal a day. He isn't accustomed to having 
more than that. (Eliza hangs the door behind her.) 

Mr. Baxter {his voice higher even than usual). I 
hope you're pretty strong — Arthur? 



THE BUTLERS 



19 



Lord A. {accepting the food Sally ojfers to him; 
making much of her as he does so). I have been a bit 
unwell, thanks, but this air will soon make a new man of 

me. I feel more ht every moment {To Sammy.) 

We must have some snow fights together. {To Sally 
again.) Oh, I say, Miss Sally, I hope you skate; it's 
such a jolly sport. I've done a lot of it since I came to 
the States. 

Sally {her eyes falling before his admiring gaze). 
I've never learned to skate — my ankles are too weak. 

Mary Anne. I can skate a little, and Thammy can 
do the grape vine just elegant. When you ain't too busy 
helpin' Eliza and Mother, mebbe Thammy and me will 
take you out on Shattuck Pond. 

Lord A. That would be ripping fun, and perhaps 
Miss Sally would come with us. I have a friend who 
thought she couldn't skate and I taught her in a few 
lessons. I do hope, Miss Sally, you will give me a chance 
to teach you. 

(Eliza returns taking her seat again, beside Lord 
Arthur, thereby breaking up the conversation for 
the moment. Lord Arthur tries not to show his 
surprise at seeing the maid sitting with the family at 
meals.) 

Sally. If you have time I would love tO' — but you 
see 

Lord A. {delighted). We will go the first pleasant 
afternoon. 

Eliza {helping herself to pie). If there ain't too much 
work to be done indoors. Come, children, you'd better 
put your minds on your dinner. There ain't nothin' to 
stare at. 

Mary Anne {looks at clock). Ith gettin* late, Thammy, 
and the walkin's somethin' terrible. 

Sammy {eating his pie hurriedly). You start ahead 
and I'll catch up with you. {Starts for kitchen door.) 
If it clears up we'll be late gettin' home. Ma. There's 
great coastin' on Gregory's hill. 

[Exit, Mary Anne following. 



20 THE BUTLERS 

Eliza (leans out to catch Mary Anne as she comes 
around the back of table). Come here and let me wipe 
your mouth, Mary Anne. (Mary submits to ordeal.) 

Lord A. I hope you'll take me coasting some day, 
Mary Anne ? 

Mary Anne. Do you like to go belly bumps, or 
standin' up straight? 

Lord A. {confused). Belly bumps? But never mind, 
I'll go any way you like. 

Mrs. Baxter {seeing Sammy return with boots in 
hand) . Sammy, let Arthur help you on with your shoes. 

(Arthur jumps to do it.) 

Sammy. Not on your life; what do you think I am, 
Ma, like that lazy old gink what's comin' up here to stay. 
{Pushes Lord Arthur aside.) No, you don't, I can put 
my own shoes on — thanks. {Does so quickly.) Give 
the old man my regards when he comes, won't you, Ma? 

(Takes his things and disappears out of the door.) 

Lord A. {watching the children tenderly). Ripping 
pair of kids those. They make me think of home, Mrs. 
Baxter. 

Mrs. Baxter {unable to disguise her friendly feeling 
for the man). Have you a large family, Arthur? 

Lord A. Well, rather. I have two sisters and three 
brothers, all younger than L 

Mr. Baxter {rises, pushing in his chair after him, 
lights a pippin cigar). Guess Lll be moving back to the 
store, Mother. Mustn't keep ray agent waiting. You 
surely told him to come back, didn't you, Sally? 

Sally. Lie promised to come by one o'clock. 

Mrs. Baxter. Too bad you didn't bring him home 
for dinner, Sally. You and he got on real well last time 
he was in Appleby. 

Mr. Baxter {with pride). So they did; he thought 
Sally was the whole thing bv the wav he stared at her. 

Sally. Oh, Father! 

Lord A. Can you blame him if he had eyes in his 
head? 



THE BUTLERS 21 

Mrs. Baxter (trying to ignore the compliment). I 
guess it was time you was goin', Hiram. I kinda wish 
you was goin' to meet that old gentleman yourself. 

(Helps bundle him up.) 

Mr. Baxter. Holden's got a Booby sleigh, and he 
can fetch the old fellar up as easy as a basket of chips. 
{To Eliza.) Better put his dinner in the oven, Eliza. I 
reckon his appetite won't have suffered for waitin' so 
long for his noonday meal. Well, so long, all. [Exits. 

Eliza {sputtering as she takes a tray of dishes). No 
danger of folks goin hungry in Miss Baxter s house. 

{Kicks open the kitchen door with her foot, and exits.) 

Mrs. Baxter {smiling). Eliza^s real thoughtful for 

all she's so quick speekin' ; you can learn much from 

watchin' her, Arthur. You see, so fur, she's been the 
only help we've kept. 

{Helps Lord Arthur to another piece of pie.) 

Lord A. I am much impressed by how many things 
your American servants are expected to do. 

Mrs. Baxter {offering him some pickles). Of course 
Sally and I do considerable housework ourselves, and 
Mary Anne is gettin' to be real helpful as she gets older. 

Lord A. Please make all the use you can of me, 
won't you, Mrs. Baxter? Your daughter promised that 
you would treat me as one of the family while I am here. 

Mrs. Baxter. You show a real nice spirit, Arthur, 
and when youVe finished eatin' your pie, we might begin 
clearing off the table. Sally'll show you where the 
things is kept. 

Sally {much embarrassed by the attractive man's 
admiration). We usually set the dishes in the kitchen 
after scalding them, and Eliza washes them when she 
gets round to it. 

Lord A. {hastening to help in his clumsy way). What 
a jolly way to do, helping each other. I've learned such 



22 THE BUTLERS 

a lot of new things since coming to America that we do 
not understand in England at all. 

Eliza (entering suddenly). La sakes, you aren't goin' 
to work in the coat, be ye ? Sally, you'd a right to give 
him an apron. (Goes to dresser drazver and pulls out 
one that covers him completely.) Here, Arthur, put 
this on, and save your clothes when you can ; better take 
your coat off; the sleeves won't go over it. 

Lord A. {trying to conceal his amusement) . Oh, I 
say, Mrs. Baxter, you don't mind if I wear knickers and 
a soft shirt most of the time, do you? 

Mrs. Baxter. Not at all. I was thinkin' before you 
came, you might want to wear a uniform. Men in your 
line of business usually do — least so I've noticed in 
pictures. 

Lord A. Uniforms are out of place now the war is 
over, unless one is in the regular army. 

Mrs. Baxter. Now don't that sound sensible? 

Sally. Jennie says you have not been working for 
some time. 

Lord A. No, I've been beastly idle, but I hope to be 
kept busy here. 

Eliza. Don't worry about that. Now, Sally, show 
Arthur where the table-cloth is kept, and how to keep 
the napkins separate. The flat silver needs rubbin' 'fore 
it goes in the box. And be sure he brushes up the floor; 
the young-uns was more careless than usual. 

(Eliza gizres a look about the room and goes oiii.) 

Mrs. Baxter. I think I'll just .s^o and touch off the 
stove in the best bedroom ; old folks is liable to ketch 
cold if their room is damp. It was fortunate, Arthur, 
you got here before the old gentleman did. 

Lord A. When are you expecting him, Mrs. Baxter? 

Mrs. Baxter. By the next train; he's feeble and 
needs a sight of waitin' on, and I guess we don't need to 
tell you what Englishmen want to make 'em comfortable. 

Lord A. Trust me to handle him. I'll rag the old 
chap a bit if he seems in poor spirits. 

Mrs. Baxter {reaching for the matches). We want 



THE BUTLERS 



23 



him to feel at home, and we mustn't mention the late 
war, as I guess likely he was too old to fight. 

Lord A. I can understand how he feels. Trust me 
to care for him, Mrs. Baxter. I'll be on hand, when he 
arrives, to unpack his portmanteau for him. 

Mrs. Baxter. And have an eye to his clothes. I be- 
lieve Englishmen are very particular to have the trousers 
pressed. You see we don't have much men company, 
and we want this one not to feel he is putting us out. 

Lord A. I promise that the old gentleman will never 
suspect that he hasn't a personal valet along. 

Mrs. Baxter. When you get through clearing off the 
table, Sally will show you where your room is. It's 
small, but it's over the kitchen, next Eliza; and it's nice 
and warm at all seasons. {Takes a look at all his luggage 
still piled in the corner of the room.) When you go up 
you'd better take your things with you. 

Sally {feeling sorry for this charming young man). 
You must not mind Mother's telling you what to do ; she 
is old-fashioned, you know. 

Lord A. I'm sure she is a perfect corker, as you say 
in America. Ripping word, corker. Applies to almost 
everything over here. Your sister told me your mother 
was a wonderful housekeeper. {Suddenly looks at Sally 
admiringly.) You were in Cambridge last year, were 
you not, Miss Sally ? 

(Sally jumps.) 

Sally {drops into chair at head of table). I gradu- 
ated from college in June — I'm working in Father's 
store this winter, keeping his books for him. 

Lord A. {taking seat beside her, facing stage). He 
must adore having you there. By Jove! he must really, 
Miss Sally — any one would. 

Sally {embarrassed but enjoying the situation). He 
pays me well for doing it. You know, the value of work 
nowadays is what you can demand for doing it. 

Lord A. One would pay all they had to have you 
work for them, I'm sure. 

Sally {jumping up, and taking the remaining things 



24 THE BUTLERS 

off the table). I expected to teach school after I left 
college, but Mother needed me at home with her after 
Jennie left. 

Lord A. I don't blame her for wanting you. Women 
in your country are doing men's work these days, just 
as they are in England. 

Sally {taking one end of table-cloth, giving Lord 
Arthur the other). Just as men are doing women's. 

(Twinkle in her eye.) 

Lord A. (sees joke and laughs). Jolly good joke, by 
Jove it is, but do you like keeping books. Miss Sally? 

Sally. Yes, very much. (Folding her end tozvard 
his.) Do you enjoy housework — Arthur? 

Lord A. (peering at her over the cloth). When I 
can do it with you. Oh, I say, Miss Sally, when can we 
have our first skating lesson ? I think the sun is coming 
out. We might go this afternoon. 

Sally (folding the table-cloth again, almost meeting 
face to face with Lord Arthur). I'm afraid not to- 
day — for even if it clears, the ice would be covered 
with snow. 

Lord A. Oh, but we might brush it off together. 
Isn't it fun when two people can work together? 

(Their faces almost meet.) 

Sally (taking the cloth from him). Do you like our 
country ? 

Lord A. I'd like any place where you were, Miss 
Sally. 

Sally (stiffening a little but enjoying herself int- 
mensely). Do men in your position in England pay com- 
pliments to young girls if they have only known them 
half an hour? 

Lord A. By Jove they do, when the girl is as charm- 
ing as you are. 

Sally (putting the cloth where it belongs). The table- 
cloth goes in this drawer ; it is well for you to know, for 
usually I am not here to show you. 

Lord A. (crestfallen). Don't you always help to clear 



THE BUTLERS 25 

off the table? Oh, I say, that is tough to expect a chap 
to do it alone. 

Sally. But you see I have Father's work to do. 

Lord A. {perching on the table and looking up at 
Sally, zvho is taking the napkins from another chair 
near by). I tell you what, Miss Sally; you help me do 
my work and I'll come over to the store and help you with 
yours. 

Sally (trying to be very dignified). I am afraid that 
wouldn't do at all. We put the napkins in these rings. 
You must be careful to keep track of which is which, for 
you see we only have clean ones when it is necessary, and 
some need them sooner than others. 

Lord A. (tugging at the napkin and putting it on 
bunchily, and not at all right). It will take a lot of les- 
sons to teach me housework, Miss Sally, almost as many 
as I hope it will take to teach you how to skate. But I'll 
do my best, — really I will. 

Sally. We must huriy. Mother will wonder why we 
are so long clearing off the table. You should see how 
quickly Eliza does it. 

Lord A. I hope Mrs. Baxter will not mind that I 
brought my sleeping bag in case I sleep in the open. 

Sally. Sleep out in the open — we have plenty of beds 
indoors. 

Lord A. But I prefer it, it's so jolly, don't you know — 
on a porch or an upper balcony. 

Sally. Oh, yes, I understand. Some of the summer 
people do have sleeping porches, but Father thinks it is 
silly to sleep outdoors if there is room inside. Speaking 
of Father, I'm afraid he will be wondering where I am. 
I must hurry back to the store in case he needs me. 

Lord A. (sadly). Then we can't sweep off the snow 
together. What a pity! See, it is clearing; the sun is 
almost out. 

Sally. But you couldn't go anyway. Mother expects 
you to be on hand when the old gentleman comes. 

Lord A. Bother the old man ! — but I'm glad he's old. 
That's one thing to be thankful for ; he won't expect much 
of you. 



26 THE BUTLERS 

(Eliza enters.) 

Sally (seeing Eliza's expression of annoyance). Now 
we are all through here, I will show you where your 
room is. 

(Helps him off with his apron. They pick up his be- 
longings and disappear through the door into the 
kitchen as the front door-bell rings. Eliza goes to 
anszver it. Comes back followed by Boggs, a perfect 
specimen of English butler sixty years old, side 
whiskers, gray hair, long black coat, galoshes, derby 
hat, umbrella and muffler. He is carrying a small 
shiny leather bag. He bozvs respectfully to Eliza, 
zvho of course takes him to be the Lord.) 

Eliza (bustling about him). Make yourself right to 
home ; you must be most soaked after trampin' up through 
this wet snow. It's blowin' something terrible outside 
for all the sun's shinin'. I reckon we're goin' to have a 
spell of cold weather. Likely to after such a storm as 
this. (All in one breath.) 

BoGGS (standing like a ramrod, not a smile on his face, 
or a feature moving as he listens to Eliza. He stands 
holding his hat and umbrella). Please as don't put your- 
self hout on my ha'count, Madam. (Bows low.) 

Eliza. Madam, indeed, — and who do you think I be ? 

BoGGS (immovable and inscrutable). Harn't you Mrs. 
'Irani Baxter? 

Eliza. No, I ain't ; Fm only the hired help. 

BoGGS (not at all surprised). Ho, hindeed. 

Eliza (trying to take his things). Miss Baxter's up- 
stairs gettin' your room ready. 

BoGGS. Hi'm sorry to 'ave put 'er to so much trouble. 

Eliza (faking to this humble man). It ain't no trou- 
ble for Miss Baxter to get ready for company. She likes 
it, — besides, the young man's helpin' her. 

BoGGS (stiffly). Hi was not aware you kept a second 
man — Miss Baxter said as 'ow you lived hextremely 
simple. 

Eliza (a bit nettled by his air and haughty manner). 
We ain't got no second man, nor no second girl neither, 



THE BUTLERS 27 

but we manages to make folks comfortable and to home 
for all we're so simple. Your dinner's heating in the 
oven. You see, we didn't expect you quite so early, but 
it won't take a jiify to set a place for you. It's too bad 
the folks is all through eatin' their dinner. It's kinda 
lonesome (Smiles her sweetest.) eatin' by yourself. You 
see, Mr. Baxter carried Jennie's letter in his pocket mos' 
a week, and we only just heard you was comin'. (Mrs. 
Baxter enters and sees Boggs standing with his umbrella, 
hat, and bag, stiff as can be.) Here, give me that coat 
while I put it in the kitchen. 

(Boggs obeys reluctantly. Eliza exits.) 

Mrs. Baxter {taking his hand, and shaking it cor- 
dially). How do you do? But how did you get here at 
this hour? (Clasps his frigid hands.) 

Boggs (his hand falling limply to his side). Sorry to 
disappoint you. Madam, but Hi walked hup from the 
station. 

Mrs. Baxter (horrified). For the land sakes! You 
walked all the way from the station ! Mr. Holden was 
to meet you in his booby sleigh 

Boggs. 'E did his duty, Madam, but ha gentleman 
stepped inside the 'ack before me, and left me standing 
there. Don't mind, Madam, Hi'm quite used to walking. 

Mrs. Baxter. But surely you had more on than that ; 
you must be frozen. 

Boggs. Your maid 'as kindly taken my coat to the 
kitchen to dry. Hi am very sorry to 'ave caused so much 
trouble, when I came — — 

Mrs. Baxter. Yes, yes, I understand ; but what would 
my daughter Jennie say if she knew you had arrived with 
no one to meet you ? 

Boggs. Miss Baxter said as 'ow Hi was to take things 
as Hi found them, Madam. 

(Boggs looks about the room, walking to other side.) 

Mrs. Baxter (much upset). Of course we live more 
simply than you are accustomed to, but we try to treat 
our company to the best we have, and as if they was ex- 
pected. 



28 THE BUTLERS 

BoGGS {howing low). Yes, Madam. 

Eliza (coming in with Boggs' dinner. She and Mrs. 
Baxter set his place). Now set right down and eat this 
while it's hot ; you must be most starved. 

Mrs. Baxter (bustling with energy and cordial atten- 
tion). That's real nice of you, Eliza, to have it all ready. 
I hope it is not spoiled by waitin' so long — Do eat heartily, 
Mr. 

Boggs (utterly miserable and trying not to take a seat 
as Eliza pushes him tozuard it). My name is Boggs, 
Madam. 

Mrs. Baxter. What a nice name, so easy to say. — But 
have you no other? 

Boggs. Arthur — Arthur Boggs, Madam. But Hi am 
usually called Boggs. 

Mrs. Baxter. Of course, now I remember, Jennie 
said your name was Arthur— real pretty name, Arthur; 
so easy to remember. Do be seated. You must be faint, 
Mr. Boggs. 

Boggs (overcome zmth embarrassment). But please, 
Madam, Hi ham accustomed 

Mrs. Baxter (pushing the unwilling man into his 
chair). I understand, but you see my daughter told us 
to treat you as one of the family. You will soon become 
used to our New England ways. 

BoGGS (more and more dejected). Might we speak of 
terms. Madam? 

Mrs. Baxter (pu^^^led). Terms? — Oh, yes, of course, 
I see, but leave that till some other time ; wait and see if 
you like it here. I calculate you and I won't fuss over a 
few dollars one way or the other. 

BoGGS (trying to rise, but Mrs. Baxter holds him in 
his seat). Miss Baxter an' Hi harranged it should be 
sixty dollars a month, hand my washing. 

Mrs. Baxter (throwing up her hands with horror). 
Fifteen dollars a week for such slight service; impossible! 
Jennie has got big ideas since she took to gettin' educated 
down to Cambridge. 

Boggs. But, Madam, Hi 'ave halways been ha'cus- 
tomed to that hamount. 



THE BUTLERS 2g 

(More and more excited and trying to rise again, until 
it becomes a seesaw effect, Mrs. Baxter pushing 
him down.) 

Mrs. Baxter {trying to pacify the old man as Lord 
Arthur and Sally appear). Oh, very well, Mr. Boggs, 
as you say it shall be. (Boggs rises again as he sees 
Sally.) This is my daughter Sally, Mr. Boggs, Jennie's 
younger sister. 

(Sally seizes his hand and shakes it cordially, with a 
pump handle effect, as his arm is perfectly limp.) 

Sally {in her sweetest voice). We are so glad to 
welcome you to Appleby, Mr. Boggs. 

Mrs. Baxter {to Lord Arthur). And this young 
man is going to help us to make your visit in Appleby as 
pleasant as possible. His name is Arthur, too. I hope 
we won't get you mixed up. {Smiles her sweetest.) 

Boggs {looking miserably toward Lord Arthur, who 
can not quite m.ake out what, has happened). Hi 'opes 
not, Madam. 

Lord A. {seizing Boggs' limp hand). Awfully glad to 
meet you, old chap. After you finish your dinner you 
must let me take you to your room. Awfully jolly place, 
Appleby. The air is so bracing. Makes one feel like a 
two-year-old. And the coasting and skating are such 
ripping sports. (Mrs. Baxter has forced Boggs back to 
his chair and they are all seeing to his wants.) Mrs. 
Baxter's corn beef and cabbage would tempt the most 
fastidious appetites. 

Boggs. Hi am sure of that — sir. 

(Boggs recognizes his superior.) 

Mrs. Baxter {chirping). Mr. Boggs walked all the 
way from the station. Think of it ! He must be most 
dead. I am afraid he won't have such a good opinion 
of Appleby as you have, Arthur. But never mind, he 
must have a real nice rest after his dinner, and be feeling 
smart when Mr. Baxter comes back from the store this 
evening. You and he will have a good deal to talk over 
together. 



30 THE BUTLERS 

BoGGS (pushing back his untouched plate and rising 
again). Might Hi 

Eliza {appearing with a fresh cup of coffee). Now 
set right down, Mr. Boggs; here's some hot coffee for 
you. I made it a purpose 

BoGGS {seeing Lord Arthur's eye on him). Hi can't 
eat hanything more, thank you, Ehza. Hi would be very 
grateful hif Mr. Harthur would take me to me room, 
please. {Grabs his hag and hat and umbrella.) 

Mrs. Baxter. Poor Mr. Boggs, your walk has made 
you too tired to eat. 

Boggs. Hit isn't that, Madam, but Hi would like to 
take off my things, they are so very damp. 

Mrs. Baxter. Now isn't that too bad, and you settin' 
in them all this time. 

Lord A. {taking his arm). I'll soon fix him up, Mrs. 
Baxter. Come this way — Mr. Boggs. 

{Marches him off double quick time.) 

Sally {watching them disappear). What a horrid old 
stick of a man. How could Jennie send him up here for 
us to take care of ? I don't see what we can ever do with 
him. 

Mr. Baxter {coming into the room, bubbling over 
with good nature and excitement). Well, Mother, here 
I am back again. I jest couldn't stay 'way. My mind 
wouldn't tend to business, so I shut my desk down and 
left things with Alonzo Townsend, and I ain't goin' back 
to work till to-morrow morning. I saw Wilcox, and 
chose some startling clothing for spring orders and I'm 
goin' to meet Jen's fellar myself. I've got the pair 
hitched up, and they air standin' covered on the barn floor 
this minute. (Suddenly notices faces of his zmfe and 
daughter.) Well, what ails yer both? Ain't bin to a 
funeral, have ye? 

Mrs. Baxter. Hiram, there ain't any use of goin' to 
meet him, he's here already; walked up from the station, 
and he's ten years older than you are if he's a day. 

Mr. Baxter (considerably subdued). Well, I swon — 
how can he be here ? The train ain't in yet. 



THE BUTLERS 3 1 

Sally. He come by the express, but you see Arthur 
took the only sleigh there was there to meet the train. 

Mrs. Baxter. He's dreadful feeble. Real broken 
down in fact; but I guess likely he's a kind soul. You 
remember Jen said his nerves were all gone. 

Sally (almost in tears). He's perfectly horrible, al- 
most lacking in intelligence, and stiff as a ramrod. I 
don't believe he or his mother before him ever smiled in 
their lives. 

Mr. Baxter (sitting dozvn in his overcoat and rubbing 
his head). Well, I snum, what will Jen say when she 
hears we let that old fellar walk all the way up from the 
station? Why, he must have been an hour and a half 
doin' it. 

Mrs. Baxter. He was dreadful wet too. But I must 
say, Eliza took to him at once, and has been doin' every- 
thing for his comfort since he got here. 

Mr. Baxter. It's mighty fortunate she likes him. I 
was afraid she might go on something fierce when she 
heard he was comin'. 

Sally (drearily). And, oh Father, the butler is so 
attractive — quite a gentleman in every way. It must be 
terribly hard for him to do his kind of work. 

Mr. Baxter. What does Eliza think of him ? 

Sally. She hasn't expressed an opinion as yet. 

(The door opens and Boggs enters, dressed in immacu- 
late cutaway, the model English man servant. He 
is followed by Lord Arthur who has put on his 
knickerbockers, looking every inch the gentleman 
he is.) 

Mrs. Baxter (rising to the situation). Mr. Boggs, 
this is my husband, Hiram Baxter; Jennie's father, you 
know. (Smiles at Boggs benignly.) 

Mr. Baxter (taking Boggs' limp hand). Pleased to 
meet you, Mr. Boggs. Welcome to our city, as they say 
when distinguished foreigners come to town. 

(Dances round him.) 

Eliza (offering Boggs another cup of steaming coffee). 



32 



THE BUTLERS 



Oh, Mr. Boggs, do try and drink this. Your poor 
stomach must be dreadful empty. 

Mr. Baxter {seeing Boggs' confusion). Can't you let 
the poor man alone, Eliza? {Still shaking him by the 
hand himself.) My wife tells me you have walked up 
from the station, but I suppose your training has taught 
you not to mind walking. 

(Leads him^ to the rocking-chair.) 

BoGGS {desperate. Refuses to sit). Hi ham quite 
haccustomed to walking — and standing too, {Stands 
like a ramrod, his arms beside him.) I fear as 'ow Hi 
'ave caused Mrs. Baxter great hinconvenience. 

Mr. Baxter. Not a bit of it, my dear sir; do be 
seated ; you must be tired after so much exercise. 

Boggs. Hi much prefers to stand — that is hunless Mrs. 
Baxter 'as something for me to do. 

Mr. Baxter. Novv^, isn't that nice of you to want to 
help my wife? Jen said you was willin' and there ain't 
any occasion for you to trouble yourself. Arthur here 
is kind o' helpful too. 

Mrs. Baxter. You must get your nerves nicely rested, 
and be sleeping some, before you try to share the work 
of our home. If there is anything you could suggest that 
would taste good, Eliza will be only too delighted to 
make it for you. Her pies and doughnuts are especially 
tempting — leastwhiles we think so. 

BoGGS {his distress increasing). But hif you honly 
knew, Madam, how much 'appier I would be hif Hi 'ad 
something to do, you would give me some orders hat 
once. 

Mr. Baxter. All in good time, all in good time, Mr. 
Boggs. Now, I tell you what we'll do. You and I will 
take a spin with my pair of chestnuts. The sleighing 
is tiptop. 

BoGGS. But please, sir 

Mr. Baxter. Don't make any objections, I've an extra 
warm coat for you to wear ; and Mother here will get you 
a muffler and heavy gloves 

BOGGS. But 



THE BUTLERS 33 

Mr. Baxter {growing garrulous). But nothing — 
we've just time to go round Patterson's corners and be 
home for supper. Jen said you were fond of sleighing, 
and it seems as if this storm came as an answer to prayer. 
Come, Mother, get the warm gloves for Mr. Boggs. 
{Every one rushes round and gets things for Boggs; 
bundling him up within an inch of his life, until he is the 
most wretched looking mortal, bundled in a coat several 
sizes too big, etc.) I guess when we get back Liza won't 
have to be temptin' you with dainties ; you'll be eatin' us 
out of house and home. 

Boggs. But 

Mr. Baxter {pushing him forward). Come right 
along, and if you don't mind we'll walk out to the barn, 
and get into the sleigh there, for my pair are feelin' real 
skittish and they don't like to stand at the door. 

(Mr. Baxter takes Boggs by one arm and Lord Ar- 
thur by the other and out he goes, Eliza going to 
her kitchen, carrying Boggs' dishes. Sally goes for 
her coat and hat as Arthur returns.) 

Mrs. Baxter {breathless from her exertions, sinks 
into the armchair and rocks vigorously). Arthur, you 
were jist as helpful as you could be, and now that there 
isn't much to be done till supper time, you had better put 
your coat and hat on, and take a little walk. You might 
go's fur as the store with Sally. You can carry her 
bundles for her. You might just as well learn your way 
round Appleby. I might want an errand done now and 
then. 

Lord A. {delighted). Oh, T say, Mrs. Baxter, you are 
kind; I would enjoy a walk with Miss Sally above all 
things. I won't be a moment getting my cap and gloves. 

Mrs. Baxter {watching Lord Arthur's retreating 
figure). Oh, if Mr. Boggs were only like him. 

Sally {sighing). If he only were! 

Mrs. Baxter {practically) . But he ain't, and there's 
no use wishing he was. 

Sally. Possibly not, but I can't help wishing it just 
the same. 



34 THE BUTLERS 

Lord A. (returning with sweater, gloves, cap, and 
muffler; looking more attractive than ever). Are you 
ready, Miss Sally? 

Sally. Good-bye, Mother ; I may be late this evening. 
Don't keep supper waiting for me. There will be lots 
for me to do at the store, for you see I have taken two 
hours instead of one for my dinner. 

Lord A. Might I come for you, and fetch you home, 
Miss Sally? 

Mrs. Baxter. That would be real nice of you, Ar- 
thur ; I don't mind sayin' you are a very promisin' young 
man, and take to our ways of doin' things real smart. 

Lord A. {as he and Sally start for the door). I hope 
I may prove more and more indispensable to you, Mrs. 
Baxter. {Goes out, following Sally.) 

Mrs. Baxter {jumps to her feet and runs to the tele- 
pho)ie). Central, give me sixteen ring fifty-two. . . . 
Hello — Llello, is that you, Elvire ? Hello — Oh, there you 
are. How you feelin' after the storm?.... I'm pretty 
good considerin'. . . .Yes, we have got company. . . .Yes, 
one did come in Mr. Holden's booby, the other walked 
up from the station. . . .One of 'em is a Lord. . . .Yes, I 
said LORD .... L-O-R-D .... Yes, he's English .... I 
thought you'd be surprised. .. .No, we don't call him 
Lord. He don't like us to. . . .You'll be over later?. . . . 
I thought you might be. . . .Yes, we call him Mister: 
seems to make him feel more at home. I'll tell you who 
the other man is when you come over. . . .Good-bye. 

(Hangs up receiver and sinks exhausted into the rock- 
ing-chair.) 



CURTAIN 



ACT II 

SCENE. — Same scene as Act I. Two weeks later; 

. 5:50 p. M. Great changes have taken place in the 
Baxter household owing to Boggs' efforts. Stiff mus- 
lin curtains at windows, covered by chinta, with chair 
to match. Plated silver tea set, and children's mugs 
are on the sideboard. Dining table is not set except 
at meal times. In Act II it is made smaller for after- 
noon tea party. Brass candlesticks are on it, with 
candy dishes, etc. 

{As curtain rises. Lord Arthur is stretched at length, 
his body .on an armchair, his legs on a straight one. 
He is reading the paper while Eliza is busy 
working about the room. She is dressed in crisp 
calico; her hair neatly done, parted and crimped a 
little. She is humming out of tune "Home, sweet 
home." She is unconscious of Lord Arthur's 
presence until suddenly reminded of him.) 

Eliza (stops singing). Well, if you ain't lyin' down 
again. 

Lord A. Oh, I say, Eliza, can't you let a fellow alone a 
minute? (Drops his newspaper.) 

Eliza. Alone a minute? — Good Lord (Lord Arthur 
jumps.) haven't you been there over an hour? (Boggs 
comes in, his coat off. He is watching Eliza.) Yer 
don't catch Mr. Boggs readin'. (Smirks at Boggs 
sweetly.) It's them what hasn't anythin' in their heads 
what needs to read books, and as for the newspapers, 
what they prints one day is contradicted the next. Here, 
give me that paper. (Takes it roughly.) It's only gr^'^ 
to keep Miss Baxter's table from bein' scratched. 

Lord A. (rising and stretching himself). Aren't you 
a bit hard on a chap, Eliza ? Think how I've worked for 

35 



36 THE BUTLERS 

you this morning. I swept the best parlor and dusted 
it twice. 

Eliza. You wouldn't 'a' had to if you'd done it decent 
the first time. And the minute my back was turned you 
was off walkin'. Lucky Mr. Boggs isn't dependent on 
exercise, as you calls it, or we would never be ready for 
Miss Baxter's party. Here, sit down and cut this bread 
for Mr. Boggs. He never will ask you to do nothin'. 

Lord A. {seating himself and commencing to cut the 
bread very thick). All right, Eliza, it shall be done to the 
Queen's taste. 

Boggs (solemnly) . God bless her Majesty. 

Eliza (piling the plate, etc.). I do hope Jennie's train 
won't be late. Miss Baxter sets great store on havin' her 
here to-day. 

Lord A. We all do, Eliza. 

Boggs. Hit would be a pity for 'er to miss the party, 
hafter hall your preparations for hit. 

Eliza. You forget all you've done, Mr. Boggs. Mrs. 
Baxter is real grateful to you for your ideas; we never 
did much in the line of afternoon teas till you came to 
Appleby, Mr. Boggs. (Smiles benignly on him.) 

Lord A. (working hard). How about some of my 
suggestions, Eliza? 

Eliza (suddenly noticing the zuay he is cutting the 
bread). See here, boy, cut that bread thinner. 

Lord A. Oh, hang it all, there's no suiting you, Eliza. 
I said how about my suggestion, such as using the front 
parlor evenings and having jam for breakfast. The chil- 
dren enjoy that and I notice Mr. Baxter takes his Scotch 
whiskey with the best of 'em since I sent to Boston for 
some. 

Eliza (grudgingly). Mebbe that's so, but you can't 
be expected to know about serving things real stylish like 
what Mr. Boggs does. (Looks over at Boggs szveetly.) 

Lord A. I will admit he does know just how things 
should be served ; one might imagine he had never done 
anything else in his life but wait on table, eh, Mr. Boggs? 

Eliza. Mr. Boggs, don't let Arthur speak so free to 
you. 



THE BUTLERS 



37 



Lord A. Can't I put those dishes in the kitchen for 
you, Eliza? 

Eliza. You'd be sure to upset them. {Takes a box 
of flowers' from a chair at hack of stage.) Here, fix 
these flowers. Jen sent 'em up for her mother. Miss 
Baxter sets great store by carnations. 

{Goes out, givmg Boggs a tender glance as she goes.) 

BoGGS {watching her). Remarkable woman that — we 
have nothin' like 'er in dear hold England, 'ave we — 
Harthur? 

Lord A. {laboring with the bread). No, thank God! 
She has the " Made in America " stamp all over her. 

BoGGS {sentimentally). Heliza would be an haddition 

to hany man's 'ome {Leaning over confidentially to 

Lord Arthur.) But Hi must hadmit — she does not 
know 'er place. 

{Looks round to hear if she is coming back.) 

Lord A. I'm afraid you are not familiar with the New 
England servant, Mr. Boggs. They have a place of their 
own, and it comes before the family. 

BoGGS. Himagine an Hinglish servant eating with the 
family. 

Lord A.. It took me some time to become accustomed 
to Mrs. Baxter's way of doing things, but, by Jove, I am 
beginning to think she has the right idea. The fact is I 
like everything about this family — even Eliza. Have 
you noticed, Mr. Boggs, how much younger she has 
grown since we came? 

BoGGS {brightening up the silver as he talks). Hi 'ave 
hindeed. I made a few suggestions to 'er in regard to 
'er personal happearance has we worked together in the 
kitchen. 

Lord A. Did you ask her to change the way of wear- 
ing her hair? 

Boggs {taking dozmt candlesticks and arranging them 
on the tea table). Hi said as 'ow Hi hadmired the way 
Miss Sally did 'ers. {Bending his body ever so slightly 
toward Lord Arthur.) 'Ave you noticed how pink 
Heliza's cheeks 'ave grown ? 



38 THE BUTLERS 

Lord A. Well, rather ! It must be due to blushing at 
your constant approval. I don't suppose the poor woman 
ever had a man pay her such marked attention before in 
her life — and, by Jove, she deserves all she gets. 

Eliza (calling from the kitchen). Arthur — Arthur — 
(Appearing breathlessly.) come and git me a few sticks 
of wood from the shed like a good boy. 

Lord A. Anything to please you, Eliza. But, I say, 
where is Miss Sally? She promised to take an after- 
noon off in honor of her mother's birthday party. 

Eliza (bustling around helping Boggs and smiling 
coyly at him meanwhile). Don't worry, she'll be here. 
I guess likely trade is pickin' up now the sun's shining. 
Folks never gits real interested in clothes when it's bad 
weather; but hurry and git that wood, boy. (Lord Ar- 
thur goes out, looking back at Eliza and Boggs, who are 
quite oblivious to his presence.) LTepressible young 
fellar, ain't he, Mr. Boggs, but careless. I can't larn 
him to stick to his work two minutes at a time. Guess he 
never was reared well. Bringing up does count, don't it, 
Mr. Boggs? (Stands smiling up into his face.) If he 
would only take after you now. 

Boggs (his manner relaxing as Lord Arthur leaves 
the room). Hor be has hindustrious has you, Heliza. 
(Comes closer to her.) You do hintirely too much for 
this family, Heliza. Himagine hany woman hin Hing- 
land doing what you do 'ere. 

Eliza (tossing her head). Don't talk to me 'bout city 
help. I see enough of them up here in summer time. 
Why, land sakes alive, that dummy over to Mr. Baxter's 
store window is more use to what they is. I'd rather die 
in my tracks than be as lazy as they is. 

Boggs. But your 'elth, Heliza; you should consider 
that ; you must know 'ow it 'urts my 'art to see you work- 
ing yourself to death. (Coming closer.) Hand might 
Hi be so bold has to hadd 'ow becoming your 'air is this 
afternoon? (Strokes it gingerly.) 

Eliza (looking up at him blushing). Oh, Mr. Boggs, 
did you notice it? Ain't that real nice of you, with all 
that's on your mind ? 



THE BUTLERS 39 

Lord A. {whistling as he comes hack). I left the 
wood on the hearth, EHza. I was afraid to put it on the 
fire; I might have done it wrong. 

Eliza {annoyed by his interruption) . There ain't but 
one way of puttin' wood on a fire, but if there was, you'd 
'a' done it. I'll go and do it myself. {Flounces out.) 

Lord A. {seating himself by the window to look for 
Sally). That old woman should have married at six- 
teen. 

BoGGS. Hi dare say 'er 'art was never touched. 

Lord A. {coming back to his arrangement of flowers). 
I'm sure of that. But take care she doesn't lose it to 
you — Mr. Boggs. 

BoGGS {hearing the sound of footsteps). Hush ! Sup- 
pose some one was to 'ear you say such a thing. 

{Goes out as Sally walks in.) 

Sally {seeing Lord Arthur filling a vase from the 
water pitcher). What in the world are you doing, Ar- 
thur? 

Lord A. {offering her a seat at the end of the table). 
Putting your mother's flowers in water. Allow me to 
surrender my position as floral decorator to you. Miss 
Sally. 

Sally {taking off her coat and hat). Mother expects 
entirely too much of you. She'll be asking you to do the 
family mending next. 

Lord A. {hanging up the coat and hat in the closet). 
No telling what mischief I'd be up to if she didn't keep 
me busy. {Comes over beside her.) 

Sally {looking up at him sympathetically). I'm sure 
you haven't been accustomed to work like this all your 
life, have you, Arthur? {Sits down.) 

Lord A. {taking a seat at her left; facing stage). But 
you can't imagine how much I enjoy doing things for 
you. I think I like it almost as much as Boggs does. 

Sally. Poor old man ; he seems so simple-hearted. 

Lord A. {testily). And simple-headed too. 

Sally. He seems particularly interested in Eliza. It's 
all Mother can do to keep him out of the kitchen even- 



40 



THE BUTLERS 



ings. They hit it off together; he and Eliza. I sup- 
pose she amuses him. 

Lord A. How could she help it? I'd get annoyed 
with her if she wasn't so jolly funny, don't you know. 
Have you noticed how she's spruced up since Boggs and 
I came? 

Sally. Approval makes women young and pretty; 
you see Eliza is not used to having any one notice her 
personal appearance. 

Lord A. (intensely). Do all women like to have men 
say what they think? (Coming dangerously close.) 

Sally (alarmed). By no means. We were speaking 
of Eliza. She is much more amiable since you and 
Mr. Boggs came to Appleby. I dare say you thought it 
strange for her to eat at our table. You never seemed 
to object, but Mr. Boggs resented it from the first. 

Lord A. (sitting on the table). You see your sister 
told me how informally you lived, and I was prepared for 
everything except 

Sally. Except what? 

Lord A. That I would enjoy doing my share of the 
work. Why, even the most menial service I can do for 
you or your mother is only a joy to me. 

Sally (alarmed by his admiring glances). Mother 
has a way of making people do things until it becomes 
a habit 

(Eliza bustles into the room., and looks daggers at 
Lord Arthur.) 

Eliza. Here you are doing nothing as usual. Mr. 
Boggs was askin' where you was. 

Sally (indignantly). Arthur is doing something for 
me, Eliza; he will be at liberty to wait on Mr. Boggs 
presently. (Exit Eliza.) Mother expects even Mr. 
Boggs to do his " Bit," as you Englishmen call it, — and 
she isn't afraid of him if he is a 

Lord A. (angrily). An awful cad. By the way. Miss 
Sally, what do you know about Boggs? 

Sally. Nothing, except that my sister sent him up 
here for a rest — and that he is veiy peculiar. 



THE BUTLERS 4I 

Lord A. He certainly is that; but I'm sure he isn't 
your kind. 

Sally. In America we do not make so much dif- 
ference in what kind a person is. 

Lord A. We do in England. Once a gentleman 
always a gentleman. Once middle class always middle 
class. Every one has his or her place, and knows how 
to keep in it. 

Sally (laughing). While here in America one can 
make his own place if he or she is smart enough. 

Lord A. (losing interest). Oh, I say. Miss Sally, 
don't you think we could have a skating lesson before 
the guests begin to arrive ? 

Sally. What would Eliza say when there is so much 
to be done to get ready for Mother's party ? 

Lord A. Boggs wishes to do everything himself, and 
I'd hate to deprive him of that pleasure. 

Sally. Seems odd that he enjoys housework so much, 
when I don't suppose he ever did a bit of it before in 
his life. 

Lord A. Takes to it as if he had never done any- 
thing else. By Jove, he does. 

Boggs (coming in carrying some dishes). Would you 
please carry in some plates for Heliza, Harthur? 

(Goes out again.) 

Lord A. (his manhood aroused). I never get a chance 
to have a word alone with you, Miss Sally, that — excuse 
me, miserable old man turns up and wants something 
done. I was just about to say 

Eliza (putting her head round the doorway). Arthur! 
Where are you ? 

Lord A. (with some anger). I'm here, but I'm 

busy (Eliza slams the door.) Oh, I say. Miss 

Sally, I must say what is on my mind. (Comes round to 
the front of stage.) Sally, I love you 

Sally (jumping away from him). Arthur, how dare 
you say so ? 

Lord A. Love makes one bold, and I really do love 
you. I love you with my whole heart and soul. 



42 THE BUTLERS 

(They are standing facing each other; he seizes her 
hand.) 

Sally {trying to he angry, hut liking his love-making) . 
How can a man like you 

Lord A. All men are alike when it comes to loving, 
and one man's love is as good as another's, provided he 
really loves — and I do 

Sally. Please don't say any more 

Lord A. {something in her face encourages him to 
continue). Is my love so offensive to you — Sally? Tell 
me you do love me a little in return. You can't deny it. 
I know you love me. I know you do 

Sally {under her hreath). I do love you, Arthur — 
wrong as it is. What will Father say? 

Lord A. {taking her in his arms). Trust me to make 
him understand 

Sally {giving herself up to his embrace). But he 
would never give his consent to our marriage. We may 
be plain people 

Lord A. {kissing her). What difference does that 
make — {Kisses her again.) if we love each other? I 
tell you, Sally, I am going to marry you and take you 
back to Ens:land with me. 



't>" 



{Door opens and Mr. Baxter sees the picture of Sally 
in Lord Arthur's arms.) 

Mr. Baxter {his anger rising). Well, I swon, if this 

ain't the biggest piece of impertinence {His voice 

tremhling.) Arthur, what air you a-doin'? 

Lord A. {facing him hravely). I am asking your 
daughter to marry me. I know it is wrong to do so 
before I have asked you to give me her hand in marriage, 
but my love was so overpowering I could not help telling 
Sally so 

Mr. Baxter {livid with rage). What right have you 
to love my daughter? 

Lord A. {his spirit roused) . The right any honest man 
has to love a woman — sir. 

Mr. Baxter. Think of the difference between her 
folks and yours. 



THE BUTLERS 43 

Lord A. {proudly). I have, sir, and I still beg you to 
give me her hand in marriage. 

Mr. Baxter {his chin whiskers shaking), Arthur, it 
ain't that you aren't a real man. You air. You've acted 
like one ever sence you come to Appleby, but I can't let 
my girl marry you. It wouldn't be right; it ain't cal- 
kerlated to bring happiness for folks to marry beneath 
their circumstances; and if I was to let Sally marry 
you, one, or the other, or both of ye would be a doggone 
sight more miserable than as if I was to break up the 
match now. 

(Draws himself up with dignity after his speech.) 

Sally {beginning to cry). Father! How can you be 
so cruel? 

Lord A. {with greater dignity). I say, Mr. Baxter, 
you are unkind. 

Mr. Baxter. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, boy, 
but take my advice and choose a wife from one of your 
own folks. 

Lord A. {his pride is injured, and standing back he ad- 
dresses Mr. Baxter with great dignity). Accept my 
apologies, Mr. Baxter. I regret having annoyed you. I 
will take my leave at once. 

Sally {her patience gone). But Arthur, you can't 
go like this. 

Mr. Baxter. It would spoil the party, and hurt Miss 
Baxter's feelings. I admit I was a bit hasty, and lost 
my temper, for it ain't any disgrace to love a girl, even if 
she ain't in your set. And besides, you just can't go 
while we have that ramrod of an Englishman here. 
Who'll look after him if you go? He might fall to pieces 
on our hands. 

Lord A. {his amiability restored). I — I'm sorry, I was 
hasty, too. Of course I will stay as long as the old 
numskull does. I promise no one will know what has 
passed between us. 

Mr. Baxter {extending his hand to Lord Arthur). 
Put it there, my boy, you air a real fellar, whatever your 
station in life happens to be. I was about to hitch up 



44 THE BUTLERS 

and go to meet Jen, but my rheiimatiz is kinda troubling 
me to-day, and if you don't mind, Arthur, you might give 
me a hand. 

Lord A. {putting his hand on the old man's arm ten- 
derly). Please let me do it alone; I can handle a horse, 
sir. 

{The two men leave the room, Lord Arthur's arm 
around Mr. Baxter, while Sally drops into a rock- 
ing-chair, and after thinking dreamily a moment- 
bursts into sobs. Eliza enters and finds her weep- 
ing.) 

Eliza {rushing to Sally's side). For pity sakes, 
child, what ails yer ? Ain't sick, be yer ? 

Sally {crying harder). No-o, but I am so unhappy; 
boo-hoo. Arthur just asked Father if he could marry 
me. 

{Head falls on Eliza's shoidder as the latter kneels 
before her.) 

Eliza {indignantly). That young popinjay wants to 
marry Sarah Campbell Baxter. Well, if I ever heard tell 
the beat of that. 

Sally. Oh, but Eliza, I do love him so — boo-hoo. 

Eliza. Mebbe you do, but that ain't no reason for 
saying it's right for you to marry him. 

Sally. I do love him. {Her spirit rising, she sits 
straight, and looks Eliza in the face.) And I will never 
give him up — so there ! 

Eliza {manner calm). I likes your spunk, child — so 
I does; and anything I ken do to help yer marry him I 
will. If he is lazy, and don't seem real handy, he is 
spirited to face your father; and I must say he acts like 
a perfect gentleman. 

Sally. I am sure he is a gentleman, Eliza ; it isn't his 
fault if he has to work. It's no disgrace to do house- 
work, is it, Eliza ? 

Eliza {with spirit). No, it ain't- — — 

(BoGGS enters, much embarrassed to interrupt what 
seems to be a personal interview.) 



THE BUTLERS 45. 

BoGGS. Hexcuse me, Miss, Hi 'opes as 'ow Hi 'aven't 
hintruded. 

Eliza. Not at all, Mr. Boggs; don't go. Sally was 
just sayin' as you came in, it warn't no disgrace for a 
man to buttle — so long as he's honest about it. 

BoGGS {without a smile). Many a butler 'as a noble 
'art for hall 'e's a serving man. 

Sally {taking his limp hand). Oh, please tell that to 
Father, Mr. Boggs; I'm sure he would believe you. 

{Rushes from the room, leaving Eliza and Boggs 
facing each other.) 

Eliza. Poor girl, she is dreadful upset. Arthur, 
that young upstart, has just asked her to marry him. 
(Boggs starts.) And Mr. Baxter took on something 
terrible. I don't know as I blame him much neither. 

Boggs {reverently) . Love his a very hupsetting thing, 
Heliza. {Looks languishingly at her.) 

Eliza. It is indeed, and I won't have my Sally made 
miserable if I can help it. {Begins to cry herself, much 
to Boggs' distress.) You don't know, Mr. Boggs, how I 
loves that girl. 

(Breaks down completely, and falls into the rocker.) 

Boggs {standing beside her and pats her shoidder auto- 
matically). Of course you do, Heliza, of course you do. 
There — there — don't ciy. Don't cry. 

Eliza {wiping her eyes). I'm sorry to have you see 
me cry, Mr. Boggs ; but you see I does love every one of 
this family — just like they was my own. 

Boggs {his patting becoming more and more vigorous). 
Hi knows you do, Heliza ; hand no wonder hafter living 
with them five and twenty years. Hit is a very remark- 
able family, Heliza, for all they hare so prowincial. 

Eliza {raising her eyes grate f idly to Boggs). You 
have learned to like us all, haven't you, Mr. Boggs ? 

(Cheering a little.) 

Boggs {sitting on the arm of Eliza's chair). Hi was 



46 THE BUTLERS 

never so *appy hanywhere before, Heliza. To be sure hit 
his not Hving with han HingHsh family, HeUza, but hif Hi 
was has Hi would say for all 'e is so peculiar Mr. Baxter 
his a gentleman hat 'eart, hand Mrs. Baxter his has fine 
ha lady has Hi hever worked for, 'ere, hor in dear hold 
England — hand the work his so heasy, all doing hit so 
pleasantly together, it leaves a man time for his own 
reflections. {Raises his eyes sentimentally.) 

Eliza. And Arthur is a real nice young man ; willing 
and so pleasant natured. I'm sorry I spoke harsh to him 
about his work when his heart was aching. 

BoGGS. 'E his a perfect gentleman too. Hi saw hit the 
moment Hi laid me heyes on 'im. 'E 'as 'ad reverses. Hi 
tries to 'elp 'im hall I can, but 'e's proud, very proud. 

Eliza (tenderly). I can't say as I like to see you 
waitin' on him, Mr. Boggs — a gentleman like you. 

BoGGS (leaning close to Eliza). But, my dear Heliza. 
(Pitts his arm about her and they rock hack and forth in 
an ecstasy of feeling. ) But my dear Heliza. 

Eliza (suddenly realizing what is happening). Don't 
be dearing me, Mr. Boggs. I may be a working woman, 
but I'm perfectly respectable. 

BoGGS. But my hintentions are perfectly 'onorable, 
Heliza. Hi am greatly hattached to you, hindeed Hi 
am, Heliza. 

Eliza. What business have you to be attached to me, 
Mr. Boggs? Take one of your own folks to be makin' 
eyes at. You should be noticin' Sally. 

BoGGS. What would a man like me be doing with a 
girl like Miss Sally? Hit's you Hi'm loving, Heliza 

(Puts his arm around her and they szving back and 
forth looking up in each other's eyes.) 

Eliza. Well, if this ain't 

BoGGS (still rocking back and forth). Heliza, Hi 
would like you to marry me — that is when Hi leaves 
this 'ouse. (Sound of footsteps.) Hush, there's some 
one coming. Hit's Mrs. Baxter. 

Eliza. It's Miss Baxter. Don't let her see you 
makin' up to me 



THE BUTLERS 47 

(Mrs. Baxter comes in greatly disturbed and Eliza 
starts for the kitchen, Boggs busies himself about 
the table.) 

Mrs. Baxter {seeing Boggs' efforts, touches his arm in 
friendly manner). Oh, Mr. Boggs, you are doin' too 
much; you've been on your feet all day. Do sit down 
and rest yourself before the company comes. I'm so 
glad to have this chance to have you meet some of our 
Appleby friends. {Notices table.) My, don't the table 
look handsome? {Smells flowers.) And Jennie's flow- 
ers add a lot, don't they? {Notices Boggs' trembling 
figure.) Why, Mr. Boggs, what is the matter? You're 
shakin' like an aspen leaf. Has anything happened 
since I went out to trouble you? 

Boggs. Not exacdy, Madam, but 

Mrs. Baxter {pushing him into the rocking-chair). 
You must be sick, Mr. Boggs. Dear, dear! There now. 
{Pats his head tenderly.) I knew you was overworking. 
Is your head comfortable? I can bathe it with a little 
Pond's Extract. 

Boggs {trying to rise). Hi'm much too comfortable 
for my peace of mind. Madam. My 'eart is beating so 
Hi can 'ardly talk as Hi would like to. 

Mrs. Baxter {stroking his head, and holding him in the 
chair). Calm yourself. Don't try to talk till you're 
rested. 

Boggs. But Hi must explain. Hit his like this, 
Madam, Hi wishes to marry Eliza 

Mrs. Baxter {amazed). Eliza — Eliza Cope? You 
wishes to marry Eliza? Well, if that don't beat all. 

Boggs. Hi knows as 'ow she isn't young, Madam, but 
she is good, very good, and kind, hand faithful. She 
would make any man's 'ome a pleasant place to grow 
old in, and she tells me she 'as a nice dot of 'er own. 

Mrs. Baxter. A what? 

Boggs. A dot — a nice bit of money laid away. Madam. 

Mrs. Baxter. Eliza is a very respectable woman, but 
she is not the wife for a man like you to choose, Mr. 

Boggs {his courage rising with opposition). There 



48 THE BUTLERS 

his no accounting for love, Madam; hit comes to ricH 
hand poor ahke. Hand Hi 'ave reason to know Hehza 
loves me, though she 'as never hadmitted hit to me, 
Madam. 

(Sounds from outside.) 

Mr. Baxter {coming from the kitchen). Mother! 
Mother ! Where are you, Mother ? 

Mrs. Baxter {greatly disturbed). There's Mr. Bax- 
ter. I must see him alone. What you have just said is 
very upsetting to my nerves. 

(BoGGS goes out, passing Mr. Baxter on the zuay. 
Sammy and Mary Anne bounce in from school 
with their wraps and books.) 

Sammy {coming close to the table). Gee v/hiz, Mary 
Anne, see the good eats ! 

Mary Anne {follozvlng close at his heels). Can we 
have thome of those candies if the company don't eat 
them all up ? 

Mrs. Baxter {nervously). Yes, yes, of course; only 
run along and get your clothes changed. Tell Liza to 
button your dress up, Mary Anne. {Bustles them off 
stage, and turns to Mr. Baxter.) Hiram, where's Jen? 
Didn't she come? 

Mr. Baxter. I sent Arthur to git her — why, what's 
the matter, Sophy? 

Mrs. Baxter. Something dreadful has happened 

Mr. Baxter. Has Sally told yer? 

Mrs. Baxter. What's she bin up to? 

Mr. Baxter. She and Arthur is keepin' company. 

Mrs. Baxter {falls into chair). For pity sakes, if 
that don't beat all ; things is terribly mixed up, Hiram. 
Eliza and Mr. Boggs is keepin' company too. Whatever 
did Jen send them two men up here to pester the life out 
of us for? 

Mr. Baxter. We can soon set Arthur about his busi- 
ness. But a Lord should have more sense than to be 
makin' up to the help. 

Mrs. Baxter {rising, her nerves soothed). Well, we 



THE BUTLERS 49 

haven't time to be talkin' about it; the company'll be 
comin' in a minute, and Jen too. (Goes to the kitchen 
door, opens it and finds Sammy Baxter eavesdropping.') 
Sammy Baxter, you've been hstenin' ! Shame on yen 
Come right along with me. 

(Marches Sammy right out of the room, he following 
her. Jennie comes into the room, falls into her 
father's arms.) 

Mr. Baxter. Why, Jennie dearie; glad to see yen 

(Embraces her.) 

Jennie (looking about the room). Where's Mother? 
(Mrs. Baxter enters, and she and Jennie enter into a 
long embrace, coming toward front of stage.) Why, 
Mother, what's the matter? What can have happened? 
You seem all nerved up. 

Mrs. Baxter (throzving herself into Jennie's arms 
again). Oh, Jen, I never was so glad to see any one in 
all my life. (Emotional scene.) 

Mr. Baxter. She's all of a flutter, because the butler 
you sent up here is wantin' to marry our Sally ; and the 
Lord is makin' up to Eliza. 

Jennie. What do you mean. Father? 

Mrs. Baxter. It's true, we're all topsy turvy, and the 
worst of it is we like the butler the best. He's such a 
nice respectable young man. 

Jennie. Young man ! Why, he's sixty if he's a day. 

Mrs. Baxter. Sixty — why, he's a slip of a boy — and 
so handsome — you must be mistaken, Jen. Your mind's 
wanderin' — (Feels Jennie's brow, but she pushes her arm 
away.) too much studyin', dearie. Stay home a spell, 
and rest your poor brain. 

Jennie (impatiently) . Don't be foolish, Mother — the 
butler I sent up here is sixty years old, with gray hair 
and whiskers. 

(Sally enters, and the two sisters embrace, turning 
themselves so that Jennie is next Mrs. Baxter.) 



50 THE BUTLERS 

Mrs. Baxter. Sally — Jen says the butler she sent up 
here was sixty years old. Some one of us must be 
crazy. 

Sally. Why, Jennie, he isn't over twenty-six, — and so 
good-looking. (Embraces her again.) Oh, I am so glad 
you have come; now everything will be straightened out 
at last. 

(Lord Arthur enters, more charming than ever, and 
walks over to Jennie, who turns him around for 
inspection, bringing him beside Sally.) 

Jennie. Now let me have a good look at you, Arthur. 
Yes, you do look better. Mother has taken good care of 
you. I knew she would. {Surprise on faces.) 

Mrs. Baxter. Taken care of him ! Why, he's waited 
on us all, especially Mr. Boggs. 

Jennie {puzzled). Taken care of you? 

Mr. Baxter. Didn't you send him up here to buttle 
us? 

Sally. Why, Jen, he's done most of the work of this 
house ! 

Jennie {horrified). Done the work of this house! 
Don't you know that is Lord Arthur Butler ? 

All {together). Lord Arthur Butler? 

Jennie. Of course. Why not? 

Mrs. Baxter. Then, for pity sake, who is the other 
man? 

Jennie. A butler, to take care of Lord Arthur. 

Mr. Baxter {addressing Lord Arthur). But aren't 
you a butler? You certainly had it on your callin' card. 

Lord A. {thoroughly amused by it all). I surely did, 
Mr. Baxter. That's my name, Arthur Butler. 

Mr. Baxter. Well, I snum ; think how we've treated 
the poor f ellar. 

Mrs. Baxter {thoroughly miserable). I asked him to 
clear off the table before he'd been in the house an hour. 

Sally. And Eliza made him wear an apron. Oh, 
Jennie, you should have seen how funny he looked in It. 

Mrs. Baxter. And Father called him " My Good 
Man." 



THE BUTLERS 5 I 

Mr. Baxter (laughing). And he blacked our boots 
and pressed my pants. 

Lord A. Boggs knew enough not to let me press his 
trousers. 

Mrs. Baxter. And he came for rest and change. 

Lord A. And I have had both. In fact, I am quite 
ready to go back to my own regular work now. 

Mrs. Baxter. You'll do nothin' of the kind. I'm 
goin' to keep you right here, and pet you most to death, 
so there ! 

(Enter Eliza and Boggs. They are carrying a birth- 
day cake. Eliza is dressed in a black dress with 
white collars and cuffs, and a bow of white on her 
head.) 

Jennie (embracing Eliza). Why, Eliza, how well 
and happy you look. 

Eliza (looking up coyly at Boggs). Why wouldn't I 
be? 

Jennie. How do you do, Boggs ? 

Boggs. Thank you, Miss. Hi ham very glad you 'ave 
come. Miss. 

Jennie. It's just about time, judging from all I hear. 

Boggs (standing with arms at side). Hi 'ave tried to 
do my best, Miss, but Mrs. Baxter would not allow me 
to wait on 'er at hall. 

Mrs. Baxter (to Boggs). My daughter tells me you 
aren't a Lord after all. 

Boggs (horrified). Certainly not, Madam. Hi'm only 
an 'umble serving man. 

Mrs. Baxter (softening). But a very nice one, I 
must say. 

Boggs. Thank you. Madam. (Turns to Jennie.) 
And might Hi say, Miss, has long as you 'ave come, 
might Hi 'and hin my notice? I can leave in the morn- 
ing — coming back later to marry Heliza. 

Jennie (turning to Eliza, who is simpering, and look- 
ing up at Boggs). To marry Eliza, at her time of life — 
is this true, Eliza? 

Eliza (pushing Boggs forward to front of stage). 



52 THE BUTLERS 

Mr. Boggs has been real kind, and wishes me to marry 
him, so we've fixed it up kinder satisfactory Hke to both 
of us; and after the weddin' we'll come back and live 
with Miss Baxter as long as she needs us. 

Lord A. {taking Sally hy the hand). And the most 
wonderful thing of all is — Sally loves me, and has prom- 
ised to be my wife. 

Sally. And isn't it romantic ! 

{Door bursts open and Sammy and Mary Anne ap- 
pear dressed for the party.) 

Sammy. Hully gee. Ma ! The company's comin', and 
none of you are dressed for the birthday party. 

Eliza {taking Boggs' arm and looking up into his 
face). I guess some of us is more interested in weddin's 
than we are in birthday parties, isn't that so, Mr. Boggs? 

CURTAIN 



I SEASON 1922 J 

A BUNCH OF FUN 

A Farce in Three Acts. By Brastus Osgood 

Five males, nine females. A simple interior scene throughout. 
Modern costumes. The plot of this farce crackles with fun as 
though charged with laughter and smiles. Vera, the baseball girl, 
makes a " hit " in more ways than one. Sylvia, the dancing girl, 
steps right into the hilarity with a whirl. Nina, the stage aspirant, 
gives a new twist to Shakespeare, and Cecily, the Mandolin girl, 
would lure a smile from a vSphinx. These four girls are the 
" Bunch." Tacks, the football star, tackles love from a new angle. 
Ray was a born Romeo, but misfires. Lynn plays the clown to 
every one's delight, and if Murray hadn't written the sketch, lots 
of things would not have happened. Mrs. Selma Blair tries to 
break up the fun, but " nothing doing." Miss Martha is a delightful 
character. Alice entertains the " bunch " and is well repaid. Dr. 
and Airs. Grandon form a charming background for an evening of 
wholesome amusement. And last, the arch fun-maker, Christina, 
the Swedish maid. If she knew how funny she was, she wouldn't 
believe it. She is " stuck on the movies " but Ray declared, " that 
for pulling funny stunts, Christina has got Charlie Chaplin beaten 
forty different ways." Free for amateur performance. 
Price, 25 cents 

CHARACTERS 

Rev. Stephen Grandon, D. D., rector of St. Paul's, 

Mary, his zvife, " flustered on occasions." 

Martha, his sister, " a trifle warped." 

Christina, a Szvedish maid, "stuck on the movies" 

Raymond Hunting, a live wire. 

Vera Matherson, a baseball fan. 

Nina Lee, a stage aspirant. 

Ceciey Mooreand, the mandolin girl. 

Syevia Stewart, the dancing girl. 

Lynn Lockwood, the man " who takes off his face." 

Aeice Hunting, the entertaining girl. 

Murray Kent, a college playzvright. 

Tacks Mueford, a football star. 

Mrs. Seem a Beair, a pest in the parish. 
Scene 
Heatherdale near New York. (The entire action takes place in 
the living-room at the rectory.) 

Time : Present. 
Act L— "The Bunch" arrives. ) 

Act H.— " The Bunch " in action. 
Act in.—" The Bunch " choose partners. 



STEP OUT— JACK! 

An Optimistic Comedy in Three Acts. By Harry Osborne 

A successful vehicle for talented amateurs. Twelve males (can 
be played with less), five females. Costumes modern. Scenery, 
three simple interiors. Jack Rysdale is " down and out." All he 
has in the world are the clothes on his back and the love in his heart 
for the wealthy and beautiful Zoe Galloway. He dare not ask her 
to marry him until he has made his way in the world. Zoe loves 
him, and while the girls in New York do nearly everything else, they 
do not propose — yet. Jack's fighting spirit is about gone when he 
meets a man named Wilder, who is a natural fighter and knows how 
to bring out the fighting qualities in others. From him Jack learns 
that he has a dangerous rival in Percy Lyons. He learns that if he 
is going to get anywhere in this world, he can't stand in line and 
await his turn but must step out and " go get it." He learns more 
from Wilder in ten minutes than he absorbed in a whole year in 
college. So, figuratively speaking, he steps out, takes the middle of 
the road and "gives 'er gas." Once started, nothing can stop him 
until he has attained his object. Every girl will fall in love with 
Jack and every man and boy will admire his pluck and courage. 
Zoe is a matrimonial prize on fourteen different counts, and her 
chum, Cynthia, a close second. Wilder is a regular man's man who 
can convince any one who doesn't wear ear muffs that black is 
white and vice-versa. Then there is Percy Lyons, who never stayed 
out very late, Clarence Galloway, a rich man's son^ looking for a 
job, Buddie the office boy, who is broken-hearted if he misses a 
ball game, and Bernice Williams, who thinks she is a regular little 
Home Wrecker but isn't. An artistic and box office success for 
clever amateurs. 

Act L— Private Office of R. W. Wilder. 
Act H.— Library — John Galloway's Home. 
Act HL — Rysdale's office. 

Time : The present. 
Pi,ace: New York City. 
Time of playing: Approximately two hours. 
Price, 50 cents Royalty, $10.00 

THE SHOW ACTRESS 

A Comedy in One Act. By J. C. McMullen 

Two males, four females. Costumes, country of the present day. 
Playing time about forty minutes. Scene, dining-room of the Martin 
Homestead, Plillville, Vt. A burlesque troupe is stranded in the 
little village of Hillville. Goldie, the star, is taken in by the Martins. 
Her adventures with the cow at milking time, and with the domestic 
cook-stove are a scream. She eventually restores the Mar- 
tins' lost daughter, captures the thief robbing the village bank and 
marries Zek'l, the liashful village constable. Full of action. All 
parts good, Goldie the lead, and Zek'l, the bashful lover, being 
particularly effective. 

Price, 25 cents. 



GOOD-EVENING, CLARICE 

A Farce Comedy in Three Acts. By J. C. McMullen 

Five males, six females. Playing time, approximately two hours. 
Costumes of the present day. Scene— a single interior. Annette 
Franklin, a jealous wife, has been raising a little domestic war over 
her husband's supposed infatuation for a noted dancer, Clarice de 
Mauree. How Annette was proven wrong in her supposition, cured 
of her jealousy, and found her long lost parents, makes a comedy, 
which, while easy of production, proves very effective in the pre- 
sentation. The part of Clarice, the dancer, gives the opportunity 
for an excellent female character lead. All of the other parts are of 
equal importance and the situations fairly radiate comedy and swift 
moving action. This new play has already made its public debut 
in manuscript form, having been used with great success on the 
Pacific coast. Royalty, $10.00 for the first and $5.00 for each subse- 
quent performance by the same cast. Professional rates will be 
quoted on request. 

Scenes 

Act L— I^iving-room of the Franklin residence, Buffalo, N. Y., 
7 : 15 P- M. 

Act II.— The same, 8:15 p. m. 

Act III. — The same, 9 :oo p. m. 

Price, 50 cents. 

HIS UNCLE'S NIECE 

A Rollicking Farce in Three Acts. By Raymond W. Sargent 

Six males, three females. Scenery not difficult. The plot of this 
hilarious farce centres around a letter received by Francis Felt'on 
from his Uncle Simon of Happy Valley Junction, who has always 
supposed that Francis was of the opposite sex. The letter an- 
nounces that the uncle has selected a husband for his niece and that 
they are both on the way to New York to make final arrangements 
for the wedding. In desperation, to keep up a deception started 
years before by his parents, Francis assumes a female character 
role in order to carry out a provision whereby he is to receive a 
million dollar bequest from his uncle. The explanations made 
necessary through this change are amusing and realistic. The 
denouement is a surprise and one that will lift the audience to its 
feet with applause. You have seen Charley's Aunt on the pro- 
fessional stage, and here is a chance for amateurs to act in a play 
that is even better suited to their requirements. 

CHARACTERS 

Scenes 
Act I. — Interior of Francis Felton's and Richard Tate's bachelor 
establishment at Boston. 
Act II. — Same as Act I. Afternoon of the same day. 
Act III. — Exterior of Uncle Simon's summer home at Happy 
Valley Junction. Evening; three days later. 
Time: Midsummer. 
Time of playing: Approximately two hours. 
Price, S5 cents. 



SUNSHINE 

A Comedy in Three Acts. By Walter Ben Hare 

Four males, seven females. Scene, one simple exterior, easily ar- 
ranged with a small lot of potted plants and rustic furniture. This 
charming play was really written to order, to satisfy an ever growing 
demand for a comedy that could be used either as a straight play or 
as a musical comedy. The author has arranged a happy and real- 
istic blend of the two types of entertainment, and the catchy tunes 
which he has suggested should find favor in the amateur field. The 
story leads the audience a merry chase from snappy farce to real 
drama (with just a flavoring of the melodramatic) which modern 
audiences find so pleasing. Here we find a great character part in 
a popular baseball hero, who succeeds in making a home run in more 
ways than one, a wonderful leading lady role in the part of Mary ; a 
hypochondriac, who finds his medicine most pleasant to the taste; 
an old maid who mourns the loss of her parrot, and a Sis Hopkins 
type of girl with the exuberance of spirit that keeps the audience on 
its mettle. The Major is a character of great possibilities and in 
the hands of a capable actor much can be made of it. Sunshine is 
the sort of play that will live for yearss as its very atmosphere is 
permeated with good will toward the world at large. VVe cannot 
too highly recommend this play, written by an author with scores 
of successes behind him and not a single failure. Royalty $10.00 for 
the first performance and $5.00 for each subsequent performance 
given by the same cast. 

Price, 50 cents. 



CHARACTERS 

Maudeua McCann, aged ten. 

Mrs. Bunch McCann, of Detroit, the mother. 

Mrs. SoIv Whippi^e, of Whipple's Corners, Conn., the 

country lady. 
Miss Tessie Mitford, the mental case. 
Mr. Juba K. Butternip, of Peoria, III, the old man. 
Miss Gregory, the nurse. 
Buddy Brady, of New York, the hall player. 
Major Keeeicott, the speculator. 
Jim Anthony, he's engaged. 
Syevia Deane, she's engaged. 
Mary, " Sunshine." 
Boys and Gires. 

Scene: The" lawn at Sunshine Sanitarium, near New York City. 
Act T. — Morning. 
Act n. — Afternoon. 
Act in.— Night. 

Time of playing: Two hours. 



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BLUE — For the eyes. Per stick 30 

EYE BROW PENCILS— Black, Brown. In nickel-plated 

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^ 018 395 143 9 

AMATEURS* SUPPUje^s 

MAKE-UP BOX— For either Gentleman or Lady, a handsome 
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]&(yR YOUR^MINSTREL SHOW 

Minstrel Chorus Wigs (special price by the dozen), each $1.25 

End Men's Fancy Wig . . . V 2.25 

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"Uncle Tom " Wig 2.25 

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Sonnetts or Clappers .X.l^,ex pair) 25 

Paper Collajrs. (.^d' men) . . i .15 

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Stage Jewelry,: Shirt Stud. ..'./..' SO 

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1 TRRftRY OF CONGRESS 

Hii. 



018 395 143 



